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Li Lan （a pseudonym） is a small girl with good academic results， admitted to the junior high school with excellence marks. Her teachers often praised her and her family was fund of "thumbs up" education. After hearing praises from others， she would be very happy and have more power doing things， thus getting better and better in school performance.
As time passed by， when Li Lan was having more and more friends， some of the evaluation made her into suspect- words like "It's something you do not fit，" "how come you react so slow"， etc. made her irritable and depressed. Over time， she became indecisive in doing things， fear of being teased. Like a magic spell， those evaluations refrained her judgment， thinking and creativity， and even the academic performance she has always been proud of came to be worse.
Why Li Lan is acting like this？ When facing with this problem， what can we do？
Know yourself
Fear of loneliness， fear of being abandoned by society， people pay attention to evaluations of other people， which is a normal phenomenon. Before forming a stable self-evaluation， we usually depend on others’ evaluation to evaluate ourselves. And when we are faced with others' criticism， questioning， negative， reason why it is difficult to accept is that it differs from what we expect. The gap between others’ evaluation and self-awareness of our own existence caused doubt to ourselves.
If a person can not properly deal with the evaluation of others for a long time， he will have psychological problems. Over time， it will affect learning， life and even relationship with people. Therefore， we all need to learn to properly understand and evaluate ourselves.
How to know and evaluate ourselves properly
Then in our daily life and study， how can we know and evaluate ourselves properly？
Via comparison. Finding our position by comparing ourselves with others in world value and all-round abilities.
Via others’ comments. Others are more objective than ourselves. If our self-evaluation meets a lot with others’， then our self-recognition ability is more mature. If not， there are still space for adjusting.
Via experience in study and life. Adolescent successes and setbacks can best shape the characteristics and abilities of individuals. Consequently， through our own success or failure， we can discover our own personality， makingself-reflection and rediscover ourselves， understand ourown strengths and weaknesses， hence grasping our own direction in life. Whether we should take all of others’ comments
what is the proper attitude to others’ comments？ Whether it is positive or negative， to treat external evaluation， we should listen carefully to the views of the parties， insisting the principle of "we correct mistakes if we have made any and guard against them if we have not”. Through these reviews， we can understand the difference between image of us in others’ eyes and that we want others to see， thereby performing self-adjustment.
In addition， we need to learn to distinguish among the correct evaluation， biased evaluation and error evaluation. For proper evaluation of others， we should cherish them and be pleased to accept. For some biased ones， we should accept the correct part. For completely wrong evaluation， we should not totally exclude them， but first analyze whether others are well-intentioned or malicious. For those false evaluation with well intention， why not accept them happily. For those unfair and false evaluation with hostile intention， we should learn to laugh at them and let them go.
It is worth mentioning that if we care too much about the opinions of others， we will be living in someone else's remarks. When facing negative comments of others， do not lose heart， but develop our talents and abilities in practice. In this case， those negative evaluations that has given you strong pressure will quietly disintegrate in front of your will and wisdom.
In short， it is essential for the psychological maturity to face others’ evaluation properly. The key cause of Li Lan’s trouble at the beginning of the article is her unreasonable reactions to others’ comments.
Both positive and negative comments have their values
Both positive and negative comments from others have meaning for us. Reasonable positive feedback can protect our self-esteem and inspire our motivation for learning； but once long being given a lot of positive feedback， we will be easily affected to be of self-righteous， blind greatness， hence not be aware of our own problems. In fact， this is a connivance for our own bad behavior and habits， which will lead to a vicious escalating problem.
But getting negative comments at the right time will sometimes produce unexpected results， tending to train people be responsible and able to endure frustration. When negative comments hit the time， they will allow us to enhance the awareness of self-reflection in order to improve the problem. Reasonable negative comments can also allows us to clearly recognize our own inadequacies， be aware of the problem， thus increase ourselves.
As time passed by， when Li Lan was having more and more friends， some of the evaluation made her into suspect- words like "It's something you do not fit，" "how come you react so slow"， etc. made her irritable and depressed. Over time， she became indecisive in doing things， fear of being teased. Like a magic spell， those evaluations refrained her judgment， thinking and creativity， and even the academic performance she has always been proud of came to be worse.
Why Li Lan is acting like this？ When facing with this problem， what can we do？
Know yourself
Fear of loneliness， fear of being abandoned by society， people pay attention to evaluations of other people， which is a normal phenomenon. Before forming a stable self-evaluation， we usually depend on others’ evaluation to evaluate ourselves. And when we are faced with others' criticism， questioning， negative， reason why it is difficult to accept is that it differs from what we expect. The gap between others’ evaluation and self-awareness of our own existence caused doubt to ourselves.
If a person can not properly deal with the evaluation of others for a long time， he will have psychological problems. Over time， it will affect learning， life and even relationship with people. Therefore， we all need to learn to properly understand and evaluate ourselves.
How to know and evaluate ourselves properly
Then in our daily life and study， how can we know and evaluate ourselves properly？
Via comparison. Finding our position by comparing ourselves with others in world value and all-round abilities.
Via others’ comments. Others are more objective than ourselves. If our self-evaluation meets a lot with others’， then our self-recognition ability is more mature. If not， there are still space for adjusting.
Via experience in study and life. Adolescent successes and setbacks can best shape the characteristics and abilities of individuals. Consequently， through our own success or failure， we can discover our own personality， makingself-reflection and rediscover ourselves， understand ourown strengths and weaknesses， hence grasping our own direction in life. Whether we should take all of others’ comments
what is the proper attitude to others’ comments？ Whether it is positive or negative， to treat external evaluation， we should listen carefully to the views of the parties， insisting the principle of "we correct mistakes if we have made any and guard against them if we have not”. Through these reviews， we can understand the difference between image of us in others’ eyes and that we want others to see， thereby performing self-adjustment.
In addition， we need to learn to distinguish among the correct evaluation， biased evaluation and error evaluation. For proper evaluation of others， we should cherish them and be pleased to accept. For some biased ones， we should accept the correct part. For completely wrong evaluation， we should not totally exclude them， but first analyze whether others are well-intentioned or malicious. For those false evaluation with well intention， why not accept them happily. For those unfair and false evaluation with hostile intention， we should learn to laugh at them and let them go.
It is worth mentioning that if we care too much about the opinions of others， we will be living in someone else's remarks. When facing negative comments of others， do not lose heart， but develop our talents and abilities in practice. In this case， those negative evaluations that has given you strong pressure will quietly disintegrate in front of your will and wisdom.
In short， it is essential for the psychological maturity to face others’ evaluation properly. The key cause of Li Lan’s trouble at the beginning of the article is her unreasonable reactions to others’ comments.
Both positive and negative comments have their values
Both positive and negative comments from others have meaning for us. Reasonable positive feedback can protect our self-esteem and inspire our motivation for learning； but once long being given a lot of positive feedback， we will be easily affected to be of self-righteous， blind greatness， hence not be aware of our own problems. In fact， this is a connivance for our own bad behavior and habits， which will lead to a vicious escalating problem.
But getting negative comments at the right time will sometimes produce unexpected results， tending to train people be responsible and able to endure frustration. When negative comments hit the time， they will allow us to enhance the awareness of self-reflection in order to improve the problem. Reasonable negative comments can also allows us to clearly recognize our own inadequacies， be aware of the problem， thus increase ourselves.