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昝亚娟,郑州市第十六中学英语教师。从事教育工作30年,多年担任高三毕业班教学工作,先后被评为郑州市十大杰出教师、河南省名师、河南省教育专家,是河南省学术带头人和河南省首批中小学正高级教师。现为郑州市高中英语名师工作室主持人,河南师范大学教育硕士校外指导教师。
众所周知,英语书面表达在高考试卷中占有举足轻重的地位,是考生拉开距离的一个重要题型。近年来,一些省市的高考试卷加大了对英语书面表达试题的考查力度。如2014年湖北卷、陕西卷、山东卷、浙江卷书面表达的分值增加到30分,北京卷、重庆卷和四川卷增加到35分,广东卷则是40分。由此可见,高考对考生写作能力的考查力度不断加大。高考临近,时间紧迫,研究书面表达的应试技巧和策略,可以帮助考生提升作文档次,考出满意的成绩。
◎问题说
笔者根据往年高考阅卷经历,了解到考生书面表达的分数普遍不高,以河南省为例,在过去5年中,书面表达的平均分保持在12分左右。研究考生书面表达题的答题情况可知,考生主要存在以下几个问题:
1.思路不清晰,结构混乱;
2.要点不全,内容偏离主题;
3.主次不分,重点不突出;
4.语言表达牵强,写出的句子明显带有汉语表达方式;
5.驾驭句子的能力差,语法错误较多。例如,时态和语态错误、句子成分残缺、宾语从句中采用疑问句语序,等等;
6.语言啰唆,不能开门见山,直奔主题。
◎方法论
1.避免出现语法错误,尽量减少扣分点
【案例剖析】
例如围绕“该不该禁止学生带手机到校”展开论述,下文中出现了多处语法错误:
In recently① years, many schools ask students not to bring mobile phones to school, that② has caused a heated debate between teachers and students. I think students should not bring mobile phones to school.
As students, the most important thing is learn③ lessons. Use④ mobile phones is bad to⑤ their studies. Some students play⑥ mobile phones in the class and others play computer games after the⑦ class. They always think about play⑧ computer games. They don’t want to study hardly⑨ any more. That is too bad. Some students compare the brands of the mobile phones with their classmates.
I think there are more disadvantages than advantage of students bring⑩ mobile phones to school.
【解析】首先,我们来看短文中的语法错误:①recently应改为recent;②that应改为which;③learn应改为learning;④Use应改为Using;⑤把to 应改为for;⑥play应改为play with; ⑦ in class(课堂上)、after class(课间)应去掉冠词the;⑧play改为playing;⑨hardly应改为hard;⑩bring应改为bringing。其次,文章的逻辑性较差,上下文之间缺少连接词,内容衔接不紧,层次不清。显然,由于文章的错误较多,属于较低档次,得分在15分以下。
修改后:
In recent years, many schools forbid students to bring their mobile phones to school,which has caused a heated debate between teachers and students. I think students should not bring mobile phones to school. Here are my reasons.
First, as students, the most important thing is to learn our lessons. Using mobile phones is bad for our studies. Some students play mobile phones in class and others play computer games after class. Mobile phones distract students’ attention from their lessons, so they don’t want to study hard any more. As a result some students have fallen behind others in their lessons. Besides, some students compare the brands of their mobile phones with their classmates.
In conclusion, I think there are more disadvantages than advantage of students bringing mobile phones to school. 【点评】第一段第一句开门见山,引出要讨论的话题,并且使用非限制性定语从句提升了文章的档次,让人眼前一亮。在第一段末增加一句here are my reasons作为过渡句,很好地把第一段和第二段连接起来。
第二段使用信号词first和besides,使本段的意思层次分明,论述更为全面。以充分的理由论述了学生带手机到学校的两个副作用:一方面导致学生无法专心学习,另一方面学生容易与其他同学攀比手机的品牌。文章分析全面,理由充分。除此之外,短语as a result和连词so可以把上下句之间的因果关系表述得更清楚,使文章衔接更紧密。
第三段使用短语in conclusion表明本段是结论段,使文章的结构更加完整。本段对前文进行总结,点明主题,突出中心,大大提升了文章的档次。
此外,使用高级词汇forbid 和短语distract sb from sth,fall behind也使本文锦上添花。
综上所述,修改后的文章思路清晰,内容全面,结构严谨,中心突出。另外,文中使用了较为复杂的语法结构,是作文获得高分的秘籍。
阅卷报告:阅卷老师非常重视考生语言的准确性。以总分25分为例,文章句子通顺,语言错误少就基本上能得到17—18分。考生应尽量避免出现语法错误,这样才能最大限度地减少扣分点。文章出现的错误越多,扣分点就越多,因此不要一味追求复杂的表达,这样反而会犯更多的错误。
2.使用所学的常用句式,避免汉语式的表达
笔者在高考阅卷中发现,导致考生书面表达失分的另一个重要原因是语言表达生硬,带有明显的汉语句式。因此,在写作时考生应尽量使用所学的英语短语和常用句式,避免汉语式的表达。
【案例剖析】
下文针对“一些家长帮助孩子做作业”现象进行分析,我们来看文章存在的一些问题:
Nowadays many students have too much homework, so their parents help them do homework. What causes this make① me think deeply.
With the age changes②, students’ homework get③ more and more. So it is hard for students to finish all of their homework in the limited time. Many parents are worried about the health of their children. Because of this, they help their children do homework sometimes.
In my opinion, parents help their children do their homework is bad. Writing homework by themselves is the students’ own duty. I also think teacher had better give students more interesting homework instead of boring ones④.
【解析】文章中有几处严重的语法错误:①make应改为makes;②changes应改为 changing;③ get应改为 gets;④homework为不可数名词,而ones只能代替可数名词的复数形式。
其次,几个句子是明显的汉语表达句式。
With the age changes, students’ homework get more and more可改为With the changing of times/With the changing times, students get more and more homework to do或Nowadays students have too heavy a learning load.
Because of this, they help their children do homework sometimes可改为That is why many parents sometimes help their children with their homework,或As a result, many parents help their children with their homework.
parents help their children do their homework is bad,不仅句首缺少连接词that, 而且句子也不符合英语的表达习惯。可改为It is bad/harmful for parents to help their children do their homework,it 做形式主语,这样的语言表达更为地道。或改为some parents help their children do their homework, which is harmful to their development,使用复合句也大大提升了文章的档次。
Writing homework by themselves is the students’ own duty,虽然没有明显的语法错误,但是语言带有汉语表达的痕迹。因主语太长,就会显得比较啰唆。可改为It is the students’ duty/Students have the responsibility to do their own homework. I also think teacher had better give students more interesting homework instead of boring ones在内容上与前文论述的话题不一致。前文是围绕“家长该不该帮助孩子做作业”,本句意思是说教师应布置有趣的作业,语义上不连贯,有跑题之嫌。
阅卷报告:阅卷老师非常关注考生语言表达的流畅性,语言生硬和汉语式的表达是考生失分的硬伤。恰当地使用所学的常用句式,提高语言的流畅性,就能再次为自己加分。
3.勇于尝试使用复杂结构,增强语言表达效果
尽管一篇文章错误较少,但如果使用了较多的简单句和并列句,缺乏高级句式和复杂结构,也无法博得阅卷老师的青睐,得不到高分。
【案例剖析】
I often imagine what my life will be like in the future①. My life will have a great change. I will have a happy family, which consists of three people, my wife, my son and me②.
After I graduate③, I can get a job. I like it very much. Maybe I will be an architect and build some fantastic buildings. I will enjoy my job and get along well with my colleagues. I believe I can make a progress in my job.
In my free time, I will play music. Music is the best way to take a rest④. I can play the piano and sing songs.
In a word, my life will be rich and colorful.
【解析】本文的主题是“展望我未来的生活”,内容包括未来我的家庭、工作和娱乐三个方面。文章的内容涵盖了这三个写作要点,除一处语法错误外,句子基本正确。短文有四个复合句:
①宾语从句:what my life will be life in the future;I believe I can make a progress in my job;②定语从句:which consists of three people, my wife, my son and me;③状语从句:After I graduate;④一个句中含非谓语动词:Music is the best way to take a rest。
文中my life will have a great change一句带有汉语表达的痕迹,虽然找不到句中的语法错误,但是仍属于扣分点。另外,I believe I can make a progress in my job句中的冠词应去掉,所以这也属于扣分点。结论段只有一句,显得太短。总体上来说,由于缺乏较为复杂的句式和结构,语言表达平淡,所以不足以展示考生扎实的文字功底和写作技巧,也得不到较高的分数。
修改后:
It would be interesting to imagine what my life will be like in the future. I am sure my life will be different from what it is now.
I will be 28 in ten years. I will become an architect and build fantastic buildings. I’ll work hard and get along well with my colleagues. Of course, I will have a happy family, with my wife and my child. In my spare time, I will play the piano to get relaxed. I will go to the park with my wife and child to take physical exercise.
In a word, my life will be rich and colorful. I am looking forward to my new life.
【点评】修改后的文章使用了较多高级的句子结构,大大增强了语言的表达效果,显示出了考生扎实的语言基本功。
阅卷报告:阅卷老师关注重点之三是考生语言表达的复杂性。大部分考生都会在文章中使用简单句和并列句,如果考生能正确使用复合句、非谓语动词、强调句和倒装句,就可为你的文章锦上添花。复杂的句式和结构让你与众不同,为你赢得高分。
总之,英语写作是一种技能,是不能一蹴而就的。只有经过反复练习,我们才可以逐步提升写作技能。我们一旦掌握了英语书面表达的提分策略,就知道如何提升自己的写作档次。在高考前的黄金时段,考生每周至少要练习写两篇英语作文,主动尝试复杂的表达法,尽量减少语法错误。我们还可以通过认真研读英语范文,查找自己写作中存在的问题,以此来提升写作水平。
众所周知,英语书面表达在高考试卷中占有举足轻重的地位,是考生拉开距离的一个重要题型。近年来,一些省市的高考试卷加大了对英语书面表达试题的考查力度。如2014年湖北卷、陕西卷、山东卷、浙江卷书面表达的分值增加到30分,北京卷、重庆卷和四川卷增加到35分,广东卷则是40分。由此可见,高考对考生写作能力的考查力度不断加大。高考临近,时间紧迫,研究书面表达的应试技巧和策略,可以帮助考生提升作文档次,考出满意的成绩。
◎问题说
笔者根据往年高考阅卷经历,了解到考生书面表达的分数普遍不高,以河南省为例,在过去5年中,书面表达的平均分保持在12分左右。研究考生书面表达题的答题情况可知,考生主要存在以下几个问题:
1.思路不清晰,结构混乱;
2.要点不全,内容偏离主题;
3.主次不分,重点不突出;
4.语言表达牵强,写出的句子明显带有汉语表达方式;
5.驾驭句子的能力差,语法错误较多。例如,时态和语态错误、句子成分残缺、宾语从句中采用疑问句语序,等等;
6.语言啰唆,不能开门见山,直奔主题。
◎方法论
1.避免出现语法错误,尽量减少扣分点
【案例剖析】
例如围绕“该不该禁止学生带手机到校”展开论述,下文中出现了多处语法错误:
In recently① years, many schools ask students not to bring mobile phones to school, that② has caused a heated debate between teachers and students. I think students should not bring mobile phones to school.
As students, the most important thing is learn③ lessons. Use④ mobile phones is bad to⑤ their studies. Some students play⑥ mobile phones in the class and others play computer games after the⑦ class. They always think about play⑧ computer games. They don’t want to study hardly⑨ any more. That is too bad. Some students compare the brands of the mobile phones with their classmates.
I think there are more disadvantages than advantage of students bring⑩ mobile phones to school.
【解析】首先,我们来看短文中的语法错误:①recently应改为recent;②that应改为which;③learn应改为learning;④Use应改为Using;⑤把to 应改为for;⑥play应改为play with; ⑦ in class(课堂上)、after class(课间)应去掉冠词the;⑧play改为playing;⑨hardly应改为hard;⑩bring应改为bringing。其次,文章的逻辑性较差,上下文之间缺少连接词,内容衔接不紧,层次不清。显然,由于文章的错误较多,属于较低档次,得分在15分以下。
修改后:
In recent years, many schools forbid students to bring their mobile phones to school,which has caused a heated debate between teachers and students. I think students should not bring mobile phones to school. Here are my reasons.
First, as students, the most important thing is to learn our lessons. Using mobile phones is bad for our studies. Some students play mobile phones in class and others play computer games after class. Mobile phones distract students’ attention from their lessons, so they don’t want to study hard any more. As a result some students have fallen behind others in their lessons. Besides, some students compare the brands of their mobile phones with their classmates.
In conclusion, I think there are more disadvantages than advantage of students bringing mobile phones to school. 【点评】第一段第一句开门见山,引出要讨论的话题,并且使用非限制性定语从句提升了文章的档次,让人眼前一亮。在第一段末增加一句here are my reasons作为过渡句,很好地把第一段和第二段连接起来。
第二段使用信号词first和besides,使本段的意思层次分明,论述更为全面。以充分的理由论述了学生带手机到学校的两个副作用:一方面导致学生无法专心学习,另一方面学生容易与其他同学攀比手机的品牌。文章分析全面,理由充分。除此之外,短语as a result和连词so可以把上下句之间的因果关系表述得更清楚,使文章衔接更紧密。
第三段使用短语in conclusion表明本段是结论段,使文章的结构更加完整。本段对前文进行总结,点明主题,突出中心,大大提升了文章的档次。
此外,使用高级词汇forbid 和短语distract sb from sth,fall behind也使本文锦上添花。
综上所述,修改后的文章思路清晰,内容全面,结构严谨,中心突出。另外,文中使用了较为复杂的语法结构,是作文获得高分的秘籍。
阅卷报告:阅卷老师非常重视考生语言的准确性。以总分25分为例,文章句子通顺,语言错误少就基本上能得到17—18分。考生应尽量避免出现语法错误,这样才能最大限度地减少扣分点。文章出现的错误越多,扣分点就越多,因此不要一味追求复杂的表达,这样反而会犯更多的错误。
2.使用所学的常用句式,避免汉语式的表达
笔者在高考阅卷中发现,导致考生书面表达失分的另一个重要原因是语言表达生硬,带有明显的汉语句式。因此,在写作时考生应尽量使用所学的英语短语和常用句式,避免汉语式的表达。
【案例剖析】
下文针对“一些家长帮助孩子做作业”现象进行分析,我们来看文章存在的一些问题:
Nowadays many students have too much homework, so their parents help them do homework. What causes this make① me think deeply.
With the age changes②, students’ homework get③ more and more. So it is hard for students to finish all of their homework in the limited time. Many parents are worried about the health of their children. Because of this, they help their children do homework sometimes.
In my opinion, parents help their children do their homework is bad. Writing homework by themselves is the students’ own duty. I also think teacher had better give students more interesting homework instead of boring ones④.
【解析】文章中有几处严重的语法错误:①make应改为makes;②changes应改为 changing;③ get应改为 gets;④homework为不可数名词,而ones只能代替可数名词的复数形式。
其次,几个句子是明显的汉语表达句式。
With the age changes, students’ homework get more and more可改为With the changing of times/With the changing times, students get more and more homework to do或Nowadays students have too heavy a learning load.
Because of this, they help their children do homework sometimes可改为That is why many parents sometimes help their children with their homework,或As a result, many parents help their children with their homework.
parents help their children do their homework is bad,不仅句首缺少连接词that, 而且句子也不符合英语的表达习惯。可改为It is bad/harmful for parents to help their children do their homework,it 做形式主语,这样的语言表达更为地道。或改为some parents help their children do their homework, which is harmful to their development,使用复合句也大大提升了文章的档次。
Writing homework by themselves is the students’ own duty,虽然没有明显的语法错误,但是语言带有汉语表达的痕迹。因主语太长,就会显得比较啰唆。可改为It is the students’ duty/Students have the responsibility to do their own homework. I also think teacher had better give students more interesting homework instead of boring ones在内容上与前文论述的话题不一致。前文是围绕“家长该不该帮助孩子做作业”,本句意思是说教师应布置有趣的作业,语义上不连贯,有跑题之嫌。
阅卷报告:阅卷老师非常关注考生语言表达的流畅性,语言生硬和汉语式的表达是考生失分的硬伤。恰当地使用所学的常用句式,提高语言的流畅性,就能再次为自己加分。
3.勇于尝试使用复杂结构,增强语言表达效果
尽管一篇文章错误较少,但如果使用了较多的简单句和并列句,缺乏高级句式和复杂结构,也无法博得阅卷老师的青睐,得不到高分。
【案例剖析】
I often imagine what my life will be like in the future①. My life will have a great change. I will have a happy family, which consists of three people, my wife, my son and me②.
After I graduate③, I can get a job. I like it very much. Maybe I will be an architect and build some fantastic buildings. I will enjoy my job and get along well with my colleagues. I believe I can make a progress in my job.
In my free time, I will play music. Music is the best way to take a rest④. I can play the piano and sing songs.
In a word, my life will be rich and colorful.
【解析】本文的主题是“展望我未来的生活”,内容包括未来我的家庭、工作和娱乐三个方面。文章的内容涵盖了这三个写作要点,除一处语法错误外,句子基本正确。短文有四个复合句:
①宾语从句:what my life will be life in the future;I believe I can make a progress in my job;②定语从句:which consists of three people, my wife, my son and me;③状语从句:After I graduate;④一个句中含非谓语动词:Music is the best way to take a rest。
文中my life will have a great change一句带有汉语表达的痕迹,虽然找不到句中的语法错误,但是仍属于扣分点。另外,I believe I can make a progress in my job句中的冠词应去掉,所以这也属于扣分点。结论段只有一句,显得太短。总体上来说,由于缺乏较为复杂的句式和结构,语言表达平淡,所以不足以展示考生扎实的文字功底和写作技巧,也得不到较高的分数。
修改后:
It would be interesting to imagine what my life will be like in the future. I am sure my life will be different from what it is now.
I will be 28 in ten years. I will become an architect and build fantastic buildings. I’ll work hard and get along well with my colleagues. Of course, I will have a happy family, with my wife and my child. In my spare time, I will play the piano to get relaxed. I will go to the park with my wife and child to take physical exercise.
In a word, my life will be rich and colorful. I am looking forward to my new life.
【点评】修改后的文章使用了较多高级的句子结构,大大增强了语言的表达效果,显示出了考生扎实的语言基本功。
阅卷报告:阅卷老师关注重点之三是考生语言表达的复杂性。大部分考生都会在文章中使用简单句和并列句,如果考生能正确使用复合句、非谓语动词、强调句和倒装句,就可为你的文章锦上添花。复杂的句式和结构让你与众不同,为你赢得高分。
总之,英语写作是一种技能,是不能一蹴而就的。只有经过反复练习,我们才可以逐步提升写作技能。我们一旦掌握了英语书面表达的提分策略,就知道如何提升自己的写作档次。在高考前的黄金时段,考生每周至少要练习写两篇英语作文,主动尝试复杂的表达法,尽量减少语法错误。我们还可以通过认真研读英语范文,查找自己写作中存在的问题,以此来提升写作水平。