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假定你是李华，从小喜爱大熊猫（panda）,一直通过有关网站(website)关注三年前在美国芝加哥动物园出生的大熊猫“苏琳”和她的母亲“白云”。现在苏琳即将三岁。请根据以下要点给动物园工作人员写一封信：
1. 自我介绍；
2. 祝贺苏琳生日；
3. 感谢工作人员；
4. 索取苏琳三岁生日照。
注意：
1. 词数100左右；
2. 可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯；
3. 开头语已为你写好。
Dear Sir/Madam,
Greetings from China!
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
学生习作：
Dear Sir/Madam,
Greetings from China！
My name is Li Hua, a student from a high middle school. I’ve been fond of panda① since my child ②. Thanks for ③ your website, I have been paid ④ attention to the mother panda Baiyun and her daughter Sulin, that ⑤ was born in the Chicago Zoo about three years ago. Now， I’mglad to learn that she’s going to be three. At the excited ⑥ moment, I’d like to wish her a happy birthday and I also greatly appreciate your hard work, without it ⑦ Sulin and her parents wouldn’t have lived so happy and healthy life ⑧ in the USA.
As has just said ⑨ above, I’m so attached to the panda Sulin, which is more than I can describe. Therefore, could you please send me a photo of her taken on her third birthday？ If possible, thank you very much！
Yours truly
Li Hua
修改说明：
① panda为可数名词，前面加不定冠词a或改为复数pandas。
② child 应改为childhood 。child：儿童，小孩（a young human being who is not yet an adult）；childhood：童年，孩童时期the state or time of being a child。
③ Thanks for：感谢，谢谢。应改为Thanks to：幸亏，由于，因为。
④ paid 改为 paying。 现在完成进行时的结构：have/has been + 现在分词。
⑤ that 改为 which。 that不能引导非限制性定语从句。
⑥ excited：（某人）感到兴奋的，应改为exciting：（某事）令人兴奋的。
⑦ it 改为 which 。此处是介词+关系代词引导的非限制定语从句，先行词是hard work。
⑧ life 前加a, 记住词组live a happy life 和固定句型so + adj. + a / an + 单数名词。
⑨ 此外应为现在完成时的被动结构，改为has just been said。
点评：
从布局谋篇上看，本文条理清晰，层次分明，结构紧凑，句与句之间衔接紧密，过渡自然，增强了文章的流畅性与可读性。
从遣词造句方面看，作者使用了非限制性定语从句，虚拟语气，过去分词，固定结构（so happy and healthy a life 与...more than sb. can...），省略（If possible），以及现在完成进行时的用法，都显示出了作者高超的驾驭英语语言的能力，既能使文章增色，又提高了写作档次。
美中不足的是，作者过于追求语言形式的完美，而忽略了一些小错误，如名词的单复数，介词短语的搭配，以及时态、语态结构上的错误，希望作者今后能顾全大局，从小处做起，从整体上看，本文还是一篇比较优秀的作文。
One Possible Version：
Dear Sir/Madam,
Greetings from China!
I’m Li Hua, a student in Sichuan. I’ve been a panda lover since I was a child. About three years ago I was delighted to learn that Baiyun gave birth to her daughter Sulin and I’ve been watching her grow on your website. Now she’s going to be three. I’d like to wish her a happy birthday and to express my thanks to you for your hard work, because of which Sulin and her parents are living a happy and healthy life in the USA.
By the way, could I have a photo of Sulin taken on her third birthday? Thank you very much in advance.
Yours truly，
Li Hua
［作者单位：湖北省竹山一中］
1. 自我介绍；
2. 祝贺苏琳生日；
3. 感谢工作人员；
4. 索取苏琳三岁生日照。
注意：
1. 词数100左右；
2. 可以适当增加细节，以使行文连贯；
3. 开头语已为你写好。
Dear Sir/Madam,
Greetings from China!
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
学生习作：
Dear Sir/Madam,
Greetings from China！
My name is Li Hua, a student from a high middle school. I’ve been fond of panda① since my child ②. Thanks for ③ your website, I have been paid ④ attention to the mother panda Baiyun and her daughter Sulin, that ⑤ was born in the Chicago Zoo about three years ago. Now， I’mglad to learn that she’s going to be three. At the excited ⑥ moment, I’d like to wish her a happy birthday and I also greatly appreciate your hard work, without it ⑦ Sulin and her parents wouldn’t have lived so happy and healthy life ⑧ in the USA.
As has just said ⑨ above, I’m so attached to the panda Sulin, which is more than I can describe. Therefore, could you please send me a photo of her taken on her third birthday？ If possible, thank you very much！
Yours truly
Li Hua
修改说明：
① panda为可数名词，前面加不定冠词a或改为复数pandas。
② child 应改为childhood 。child：儿童，小孩（a young human being who is not yet an adult）；childhood：童年，孩童时期the state or time of being a child。
③ Thanks for：感谢，谢谢。应改为Thanks to：幸亏，由于，因为。
④ paid 改为 paying。 现在完成进行时的结构：have/has been + 现在分词。
⑤ that 改为 which。 that不能引导非限制性定语从句。
⑥ excited：（某人）感到兴奋的，应改为exciting：（某事）令人兴奋的。
⑦ it 改为 which 。此处是介词+关系代词引导的非限制定语从句，先行词是hard work。
⑧ life 前加a, 记住词组live a happy life 和固定句型so + adj. + a / an + 单数名词。
⑨ 此外应为现在完成时的被动结构，改为has just been said。
点评：
从布局谋篇上看，本文条理清晰，层次分明，结构紧凑，句与句之间衔接紧密，过渡自然，增强了文章的流畅性与可读性。
从遣词造句方面看，作者使用了非限制性定语从句，虚拟语气，过去分词，固定结构（so happy and healthy a life 与...more than sb. can...），省略（If possible），以及现在完成进行时的用法，都显示出了作者高超的驾驭英语语言的能力，既能使文章增色，又提高了写作档次。
美中不足的是，作者过于追求语言形式的完美，而忽略了一些小错误，如名词的单复数，介词短语的搭配，以及时态、语态结构上的错误，希望作者今后能顾全大局，从小处做起，从整体上看，本文还是一篇比较优秀的作文。
One Possible Version：
Dear Sir/Madam,
Greetings from China!
I’m Li Hua, a student in Sichuan. I’ve been a panda lover since I was a child. About three years ago I was delighted to learn that Baiyun gave birth to her daughter Sulin and I’ve been watching her grow on your website. Now she’s going to be three. I’d like to wish her a happy birthday and to express my thanks to you for your hard work, because of which Sulin and her parents are living a happy and healthy life in the USA.
By the way, could I have a photo of Sulin taken on her third birthday? Thank you very much in advance.
Yours truly，
Li Hua
［作者单位：湖北省竹山一中］