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2003年8月,我第一次有机会走上青藏高原。除了参加全国政协组织的青海湖考察活动,我还要在青海了却一桩心愿:寻找昌耀。昌耀在病中写给我的那封短信,我曾一读再读。信是写在他送给我的那本诗集的扉页上的,他最后一句写的是“手抖不能禁”。每读至此,我就像亲眼看到了他苦苦挣扎在死亡边缘时的那份艰难。我一直惦记着要给他写一封回信的,可是,还没有等我将回信发出,他已撒手而去。他的手终于在那一刻停止了抖动,因为他已解脱。至此,他的名字已定格在高原,他的生命已凝结成一首重如岩石的高原之诗。他去世后,曾有一位记者从上海打电话来采访我,要我谈谈和昌耀交往的印象。我如实告诉她,非常遗憾,昌耀生前,我们两人并未谋面。她说,不,有人说,你们两人在张家港诗会上见过面的。是的,1998年秋天的张家港诗歌讨论会,昌耀去了,我也去了。可是,我公务在身,发过言就走了。我与昌耀虽然相聚一处,却并未相见相叙。我和他失之交臂的遗憾,已经永远无法弥补了。
August 2003, for the first time I have the opportunity to embark on the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau. In addition to participating in the Qinghai Lake inspection tour organized by the CPPCC National Committee, I also wanted to make a wish in Qinghai: looking for Changyao. Chang Yao wrote me in the illness that message, I read it first time. The letter was written on the front page of the book of poems that he gave me, and his last sentence is “Shaking Hands That Can not Be Shaken”. At this point, I was like seeing with my own eyes the hardship he had struggled with on the verge of death. I kept remembering that I had to write a reply to him. However, I did not reply until I sent a reply. He has already given up. His hand finally stopped shaking at that moment because he was relieved. So far, his name has been set in the plateau, his life has condensed into a heavy rock-like plateau poem. After his death, there was a reporter who called me from Shanghai to interview me and asked me to talk about my friendship with Chang Yao. I told her truthfully, very much regret, Changyao ago, the two of us did not meet. She said no, someone said that both of you met at the Zhangjiagang poetry conference. Yes, the Zhangjiagang Poetry Symposium in the autumn of 1998, Changyao went away, and I went. However, my business in the body, made a statement left. Although I and Chang Yao get together, but did not meet each other Syria. The regret I’ve missed him has never been repaired.