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必修一第一单元的写作是persuasive writing: letter of advice，也就是建议信的写作。根据本单元reading and leariting中的题目“XiaoDong向Miss Wang写信求助，问她怎样更好地与人交往，请以Miss Wang的身份写一封回信，给出你的建议”，我们来看看以下两位同学的习作。
A 石长城
Dear Xiao Dong，
I am sorry to hear that you have been in trouble. I am writing to express my views concerning how to get on well with others and create a warm atmosphere.
If I were you, I would try to change my character and attitude, which are necessary when you are communicating. It seems to me that you could join in discussions and show interest in other people’s ideas to get to know different people and let them see you are friendly. The world would be beautiful because of communicating.
Apart from this, I think it would be more beneficial if you could not only communicate but also smile to everyone. Even if you are angry, you shouldn’t shout at others but smile. With this, the atmosphere will become friendly as you are communicating to your classmates.
I believe you will take my advice into account. To see improvements in this regard, I will be more than happy.
Yours,
Miss Wang
B 傅小满
Dear Xiao Dong:
I’m sorry you are having trouble in making friends. However, the situation is easy to change if you take my advice, here are some tips to help you.
First, why not ask people about their likes and dislikes? If you do this, you can find the classmates who have the same interests with you. Usually, people who have the same interests are easy to become good friends. Secondly, you can join in discussions and show interest in other people’s ideas. That way you can get to know different people and let them see you’re friendly. Then, you shall have more friends to talk with. Thirdly, it would be a good idea if you offer help when others are in trouble. By doing this, you’ll be nice in others’ eyes and there must be more friends coming to you.
I hope you will find these ideas useful.
Yours,
Miss Wang
【范文点评】
这两位同学的作文是一封回信，a letter of advice。这类建议信是对收信人就某一问题提出看法、建议或忠告。
建议信不同于投诉信，所以写信人一定要注意礼貌。建议信一般包括以下内容：首先说明写信的目的；其次，在肯定优点的基础上提出自己的建议或看法（否则别人以为你在投诉，而不是在提建议）；最后表达希望采纳建议。
石长城：I am sorry to hear that you have been in trouble. I am writing to express my views concerning how to get on well with others and create a warm atmosphere.
傅小满：I’m sorry you are having trouble in making friends. However, the situation is easy to change if you take my advice, here are some tips to help you.
两人都准确地把握了书信开头的表达方式，使用了I’m sorry ... 的句式来引出下文要解决的问题，但比较而言，付小满的第二句However, the situation is easy to change if you take my advice, here are some tips to help you中，使用了if 从句来温和礼貌地表达自己帮助对方的意愿，比石长城的直接表述显得更符合书信的要求。
第二段给对方相应建议之前，最好应先对其优点给予肯定。但这两位同学都没有提及这一点。可作如下修改，比如来信中对方提到although I try to make good friends with them ... 可以就这一点提出：I’m glad that you have tried to change yourself, and I hope my advice can help you finally change the situation.
石长城：
第二段第三段的最大特点就是其丰富的句式结构
If I were you, I would ...
It seems to me that you could ...
Apart from this, I think it would be more beneficial if you could ... （此句中的Apart from this也是一个亮点，类似的短语还有what’s more, besides, in addition, furthermore funthermore等。）
Even if you are angry, you shouldn’t ...
傅小满：
主干部分用一段文字一气呵成，但中间过度使用了firstly, secondly, thirdly。我个人不是特别赞同过多地使用序数词来衔接书信文体，毕竟是交流体裁，如果能较灵活地使用一些衔接副词或句式，相信文章可以更亲切自然，比如之前提到的what’s more, besides, in addition, furthermore等。
这位同学对定语从句的使用值得肯定：If you do this, you can find the classmates who have the same interests with you. Usually, people who have the same interests are easy to become good friends. 这两个定语从句的使用不仅在内容的衔接上恰到好处，也在结构上为文章增色不少。
It would be a good idea if you offer help when others are in trouble. 这句话里ofter时态是一个很多同学都会犯的一个错误。正确时态应为：it would be a good idea if you offered help when others are in trouble. 是if条件状语从句中对将来的虚拟语气。所以offer应改为offered.
结尾点评
石长城：To see improvements in this regard, I will be more than happy.应改为I will be more than happy to see improvements in this regard. 如果这方面有所改善我会非常开心。
傅小满：结尾过于简短，应和对方有所交流再完结全篇。
今将刘雪玄同学的作文稍加修改作为范文：
C 刘雪玄
Dear Xiao Dong:
I’m terribly sorry to know that you truly have some trouble making friends. I’m glad that you have tried to change yourself, and I hope my advice can help you finally change the situation.
As far as I am concemed, it’s really of great significance to find someone with the same interest. By doing this you can have something in common and make the bond of your friendship tight. Apart from this, joining in discussions and showing interest in other people’s ideas are also attached great use to making friends. During the process of the discussions, you can surely make more contacts as well as get a better understanding of your friends.
Equally importantly, you are supposed to get to know people with a genuine heart, such as encouraging them when they lose heart, offering a pen when they need it, even a hug when they cry. As a result, they will find you sincere and friendly, which will certainly make you popular.
These are all my suggestiongs above. I hope that they will really help you and you can probably take my advice under consideration.
Best wishes,
Sincerely,
Ms Huang
A 石长城
Dear Xiao Dong，
I am sorry to hear that you have been in trouble. I am writing to express my views concerning how to get on well with others and create a warm atmosphere.
If I were you, I would try to change my character and attitude, which are necessary when you are communicating. It seems to me that you could join in discussions and show interest in other people’s ideas to get to know different people and let them see you are friendly. The world would be beautiful because of communicating.
Apart from this, I think it would be more beneficial if you could not only communicate but also smile to everyone. Even if you are angry, you shouldn’t shout at others but smile. With this, the atmosphere will become friendly as you are communicating to your classmates.
I believe you will take my advice into account. To see improvements in this regard, I will be more than happy.
Yours,
Miss Wang
B 傅小满
Dear Xiao Dong:
I’m sorry you are having trouble in making friends. However, the situation is easy to change if you take my advice, here are some tips to help you.
First, why not ask people about their likes and dislikes? If you do this, you can find the classmates who have the same interests with you. Usually, people who have the same interests are easy to become good friends. Secondly, you can join in discussions and show interest in other people’s ideas. That way you can get to know different people and let them see you’re friendly. Then, you shall have more friends to talk with. Thirdly, it would be a good idea if you offer help when others are in trouble. By doing this, you’ll be nice in others’ eyes and there must be more friends coming to you.
I hope you will find these ideas useful.
Yours,
Miss Wang
【范文点评】
这两位同学的作文是一封回信，a letter of advice。这类建议信是对收信人就某一问题提出看法、建议或忠告。
建议信不同于投诉信，所以写信人一定要注意礼貌。建议信一般包括以下内容：首先说明写信的目的；其次，在肯定优点的基础上提出自己的建议或看法（否则别人以为你在投诉，而不是在提建议）；最后表达希望采纳建议。
石长城：I am sorry to hear that you have been in trouble. I am writing to express my views concerning how to get on well with others and create a warm atmosphere.
傅小满：I’m sorry you are having trouble in making friends. However, the situation is easy to change if you take my advice, here are some tips to help you.
两人都准确地把握了书信开头的表达方式，使用了I’m sorry ... 的句式来引出下文要解决的问题，但比较而言，付小满的第二句However, the situation is easy to change if you take my advice, here are some tips to help you中，使用了if 从句来温和礼貌地表达自己帮助对方的意愿，比石长城的直接表述显得更符合书信的要求。
第二段给对方相应建议之前，最好应先对其优点给予肯定。但这两位同学都没有提及这一点。可作如下修改，比如来信中对方提到although I try to make good friends with them ... 可以就这一点提出：I’m glad that you have tried to change yourself, and I hope my advice can help you finally change the situation.
石长城：
第二段第三段的最大特点就是其丰富的句式结构
If I were you, I would ...
It seems to me that you could ...
Apart from this, I think it would be more beneficial if you could ... （此句中的Apart from this也是一个亮点，类似的短语还有what’s more, besides, in addition, furthermore funthermore等。）
Even if you are angry, you shouldn’t ...
傅小满：
主干部分用一段文字一气呵成，但中间过度使用了firstly, secondly, thirdly。我个人不是特别赞同过多地使用序数词来衔接书信文体，毕竟是交流体裁，如果能较灵活地使用一些衔接副词或句式，相信文章可以更亲切自然，比如之前提到的what’s more, besides, in addition, furthermore等。
这位同学对定语从句的使用值得肯定：If you do this, you can find the classmates who have the same interests with you. Usually, people who have the same interests are easy to become good friends. 这两个定语从句的使用不仅在内容的衔接上恰到好处，也在结构上为文章增色不少。
It would be a good idea if you offer help when others are in trouble. 这句话里ofter时态是一个很多同学都会犯的一个错误。正确时态应为：it would be a good idea if you offered help when others are in trouble. 是if条件状语从句中对将来的虚拟语气。所以offer应改为offered.
结尾点评
石长城：To see improvements in this regard, I will be more than happy.应改为I will be more than happy to see improvements in this regard. 如果这方面有所改善我会非常开心。
傅小满：结尾过于简短，应和对方有所交流再完结全篇。
今将刘雪玄同学的作文稍加修改作为范文：
C 刘雪玄
Dear Xiao Dong:
I’m terribly sorry to know that you truly have some trouble making friends. I’m glad that you have tried to change yourself, and I hope my advice can help you finally change the situation.
As far as I am concemed, it’s really of great significance to find someone with the same interest. By doing this you can have something in common and make the bond of your friendship tight. Apart from this, joining in discussions and showing interest in other people’s ideas are also attached great use to making friends. During the process of the discussions, you can surely make more contacts as well as get a better understanding of your friends.
Equally importantly, you are supposed to get to know people with a genuine heart, such as encouraging them when they lose heart, offering a pen when they need it, even a hug when they cry. As a result, they will find you sincere and friendly, which will certainly make you popular.
These are all my suggestiongs above. I hope that they will really help you and you can probably take my advice under consideration.
Best wishes,
Sincerely,
Ms Huang