Humor

来源 :中学生英语·高一、二版 | 被引量 : 0次 | 上传用户:zhangjianfa11
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  Stunning Reply 出色的回答
  
   My five-year-old son was not picking up his toys while I was preparing dinner as I had asked him. When I inquired why he wasn’t doing his chores, he said that he didn’t feel like it. Exasperated, I said, “Where would you be right now if I didn’t feel like making dinner.”
  He thought for a moment and then replied, “ A restaurant.”
   我在准备晚饭的时候,我叫年仅五岁的儿子把玩具都收拾起来。当我问他为什么没做他的差事时,他说他不想做。我感到有些恼火,就对他说:“要是我说我不想做晚饭,这时你会在哪里呢?”
  他略加思索便回答说:“在饭店里。”
  
  Speech Impedient 说话障碍
  
   Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former “loves”. I told him that I once a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment. John said, “Anthony, I’m shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl’s problem?”
  Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. “She couldn’t say ‘yes’.”
   一天下午喝多了酒,我的一个朋友和我正在讨论以前的“恋爱”。我告诉他我很久以前曾经和一个女孩分手,因为她有看上去不能医治的说话障碍。约翰说,“安东尼,我感到吃惊。我一点也不知道你是一个对障碍怀有偏见的。女孩到底怎么了?”
  吸了一口气,我暂停一下说: “她总是不说‘yes’ ”。
  
  Thank you 多谢你
  
  Doctor: Please open your mouth, madam.
  Lady: Thank you very much, doctor.
  Doctor: Why do you thank me?
  Lady: Because my husband always asked me to shut up.
  医生:请打开你的嘴,女士。
  淑女:多谢你,医生。
  医生:你为什么谢谢我?
  淑女:因为我的丈夫总是要求我闭嘴。
  
  The Job Interview工作面试
  
  A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held.
   “I must say,”says the executive,“your work history is terrible.You’ve been fired from every job.”“Yes,”says the man.“Well,”continues the executive,“there is not much positive in that.”
   “Hey!”says the guy as he pokes the application.“At least I’m not a quitter.”
   一个人走进一家大公司的人力资源部,把他的申请表递给主管。主管开始浏览他的申请,发现应征者在以前的每一份工作上都被开除了。
   “我必须说,”主管说,“你的工作经历很不好,你在你做的每一份工作上都被开除了。”“是的,”那人说。主管继续说:“这可不是什么好事情。”
   “嘿!”那人指着申请表说,“至少我不是个逃兵。”
  
  hippopotamus Teacher 河马老师
  
   Teacher: Silent, please!This afternoon, I want to tell you about the hippopotamus. Please pay attention,all of you!If you don’t look at me, you’ll never know what a hippopotamus is like!
   教师:请安静!今天下午我想给大家讲一下河马,请你们一定要精神集中,如果你们要是不看着我,你们永远也不会知道河马是什么模样的!
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