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“妈妈,我做了那么多事你都没看到,而没做的事你为什么都看到了?”一个十几岁的女孩子在母亲反复数落她时,忍不住气愤地反驳她的母亲。女孩的诘问,不禁使我联想到一些令许多家长头痛的问题:一些子女染上坏习惯后,尽管多次批评、责骂乃至体罚,却总是收效不大,为什么呢?心理学家认为,这是儿童为得到大人的注意所采取的行为。每个孩子都渴望能经常得到父母的关注,无论是赞许的目光、语言、行动等积极的关注,还是呵斥、训戒、体罚等消极的关注,对他们来说,都需要的。然而,不少父母总认为孩子是应该听话、学乖的,因此,对孩子的好言行、好品德,他们往往视而不见,置若罔闻,不及时给予微笑、赞扬等肯定性表示。只有当孩子不听话或有越轨行为时,父母才给予管教。结果,在孩子头脑里就形成这样的结论:只有犯错误闯祸,才会引起父母的注意。于是,坏习惯反复强化,最后几乎根深蒂固,出现了一种“屡教不改”,甚至“打死不改”的后果。
“Mom, I did not see anything that I did, and why did you not do anything?” A teenage girl could not help but angrily refute her mother when her mother repeated her counts . The girl’s questioning can not help but remind me of some headaches for many parents: After some children have taken on bad habits, despite repeated criticisms, scoldings and even corporal punishment, they are always ineffective. Why? Psychologists think that this It is the behavior of children to get the attention of adults. Every child desires to get regular parental attention, positive attention such as approval, language, action, or negative attention such as shouting, discipline and corporal punishment, which are all needed for them. However, many parents always think that children should be obedient and good at behaving. Therefore, they often turn a blind eye to what they say and do about their children and turn a deaf ear to them. They give no certainty such as giving a smile or praising in time. Only when the child disobedient or deviant behavior, parents give discipline. As a result, the conclusion in the mind of a child is that only mistakes made to cause trouble can arouse parents’ attention. As a result, the bad habits have been repeatedly strengthened and eventually become almost entrenched. The result of a “repeated education does not change” and even “death does not change” has emerged.