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I would like to talk about my most meaningful afternoon here—the afternoon of Nov.13， the day which all the ninth graders went to the training camp.
The thing that makes the afternoon extremely meaningful is the activity call “the bridge of dream”—every students in each class need to use their arms and fists to form a bridge and let other classmates to kneeling-crawling through the bridge and get to the finish line one by one. The whole thing is exhausting but none of us gave up.
When I was crawling to the finish line， all I could see are the familiar faces of my dearest classmates. I can tell from their faces that they were tired， but they still tried to put a smile on their faces. All I could hear were my classmates telling me “don’t give up， hold on， it’s almost there”. The second I was deeply touched. Yes， I was aware that I could fall down onto the ground any minute if any accident happened but at that time I was really calm and fearless because I realize that the people who were lifting me are the classmates， are the people I trust the most.
That day I looked back my three years and everything I’ve been through then. I realize how important my classmates are to me and how grateful I am to them all the time， and I’m pretty sure that all of my classmates thought the same. All I want to say is “Thank You”—for lifting me up on the “bridge” that day， and most importantly， for being there for the whole three years.
邓红蕾老师点评：
此篇习作是作者在参加学校组织的“团结、合作”主题拓展活动后，有感而发一气呵成的。作者灵活运用各种时态、句式描述了活动中最感人的“梦幻之桥”一幕，并表达了对同学们三年来关心爱护的感激之情。文章结构合乎逻辑，详略得当，语篇流畅，并能将文章主题升华，道出了活动的意义以及对同学的不舍情怀，代表了即将毕业的九年级学生的心声。习作的标题与拓展活动的lifting me up结合，一语双关，更能体现同学之间纯洁、无私的情谊。
但文中也有几处时态、非谓语动词错误，如“The thing that makes the afternoon extremely meaningful is the activity call “the bridge of dream”。“call”是过去分词作后置定语，应改为“called”。另外，语言再简洁一些，就更棒了。
I would like to talk about my most meaningful afternoon here—the afternoon of November 13， the day when all the ninth graders went to the training camp.
The thing that made the afternoon extremely meaningful was the activity called “The Bridge of Dream”—where every student in each class needed to use their arms and fists to form a bridge and let other classmates kneel-crawl across the bridge to get to the finish line one by one. The process was exhausting but none of us gave up.
When I was crawling to the finishing line， all I could see were the familiar faces of my classmates. I could tell from their faces that they were tired， but still tried to show me the biggest smile. All I could hear were my classmates telling me “Don’t give up！ Hold on！ You’re almost there”. I was deeply touched. Yes， I was aware that I could fall down to the ground at any minute if an accident happened. However， I was really calm and fearless at that time because I realized that those lifting me were all my dearest classmates； they were the people I trusted the most.
From this experience， I realize how important my classmates are to me and how grateful I am to them all the time. I’m pretty sure that all of my classmates think the same， though in a few months we will graduate from this lovely school and wave goodbye. All I want to say is Thank You—for lifting me up on the “bridge” that day， and most importantly， for always being there for the past three years.
The thing that makes the afternoon extremely meaningful is the activity call “the bridge of dream”—every students in each class need to use their arms and fists to form a bridge and let other classmates to kneeling-crawling through the bridge and get to the finish line one by one. The whole thing is exhausting but none of us gave up.
When I was crawling to the finish line， all I could see are the familiar faces of my dearest classmates. I can tell from their faces that they were tired， but they still tried to put a smile on their faces. All I could hear were my classmates telling me “don’t give up， hold on， it’s almost there”. The second I was deeply touched. Yes， I was aware that I could fall down onto the ground any minute if any accident happened but at that time I was really calm and fearless because I realize that the people who were lifting me are the classmates， are the people I trust the most.
That day I looked back my three years and everything I’ve been through then. I realize how important my classmates are to me and how grateful I am to them all the time， and I’m pretty sure that all of my classmates thought the same. All I want to say is “Thank You”—for lifting me up on the “bridge” that day， and most importantly， for being there for the whole three years.
邓红蕾老师点评：
此篇习作是作者在参加学校组织的“团结、合作”主题拓展活动后，有感而发一气呵成的。作者灵活运用各种时态、句式描述了活动中最感人的“梦幻之桥”一幕，并表达了对同学们三年来关心爱护的感激之情。文章结构合乎逻辑，详略得当，语篇流畅，并能将文章主题升华，道出了活动的意义以及对同学的不舍情怀，代表了即将毕业的九年级学生的心声。习作的标题与拓展活动的lifting me up结合，一语双关，更能体现同学之间纯洁、无私的情谊。
但文中也有几处时态、非谓语动词错误，如“The thing that makes the afternoon extremely meaningful is the activity call “the bridge of dream”。“call”是过去分词作后置定语，应改为“called”。另外，语言再简洁一些，就更棒了。
I would like to talk about my most meaningful afternoon here—the afternoon of November 13， the day when all the ninth graders went to the training camp.
The thing that made the afternoon extremely meaningful was the activity called “The Bridge of Dream”—where every student in each class needed to use their arms and fists to form a bridge and let other classmates kneel-crawl across the bridge to get to the finish line one by one. The process was exhausting but none of us gave up.
When I was crawling to the finishing line， all I could see were the familiar faces of my classmates. I could tell from their faces that they were tired， but still tried to show me the biggest smile. All I could hear were my classmates telling me “Don’t give up！ Hold on！ You’re almost there”. I was deeply touched. Yes， I was aware that I could fall down to the ground at any minute if an accident happened. However， I was really calm and fearless at that time because I realized that those lifting me were all my dearest classmates； they were the people I trusted the most.
From this experience， I realize how important my classmates are to me and how grateful I am to them all the time. I’m pretty sure that all of my classmates think the same， though in a few months we will graduate from this lovely school and wave goodbye. All I want to say is Thank You—for lifting me up on the “bridge” that day， and most importantly， for always being there for the past three years.